these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
