Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
