The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
