I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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