I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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