shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize