Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
