We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
