Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
