do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
