I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
