he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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