Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
