my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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