If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think i have two assholes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
