I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
