So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
