I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize