So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize