Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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