well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
