I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
