It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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