I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
