Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
