yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
