Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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