I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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