Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
