I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
