Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
