i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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