My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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