Walk of Shame. In a state park.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
