I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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