I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
