How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
