I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize