She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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