More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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