I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
