He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
50% drunk capacity currently
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
