I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
