Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
