People in love make me want to vomit
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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