I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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