lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
