I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
