my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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