I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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