Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
