You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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