You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
