the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
