and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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