Jerry, you need to find god
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was born a porn star she said
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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