it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
