areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
