Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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