I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
